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Podcast | Finding balance as a stay-at-home mum, opting out of a career path and valuing a mother's presence

3/1/2022

7 Comments

 
I was recently interviewed by Dalya at A Fine Balance: The Podcast discussing my choice to be a stay-at-home mum (SAHM) but I've struggled to find the right words to start this blog post about it!  I want to share my story and my experience of deciding to give up work 24 years ago to be a full time SAHM, something I am extremely proud of and a decision I have never once regretted.  So why do I find it hard to write about?  

Being a SAHM was just something I knew was right for me and my family and I just quietly got on with.  I didn't know any different and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.  But I worry that whatever I say might be seen as being judgemental of others choices, even  though I haver never been judged!  Maybe just going publish feels brave!

I've never hidden my decision to be a SAHM, and among family and friends, I talk openly about it.  Anyone that knows me knows how nurturing and caring I am and that family came first but that I also kept very busy with lots of other projects - volunteering at nursery school and school, setting up and running all the admin for my husbands business (a paid role from home during school hours), overseeing the care and fighting a fair few battles for my late brother-in-law who had Downs Syndrome, and of course in more recent years setting up my blog.  
Cooking mum and son | A Fine Balance Podcast | SAHM | Housewife
Life as a SAHM! Cooking chaos with my son!
Back in the autumn I met Dalya at a blogger event,  Dalya writes a blog called A Fine Balance, which is all about celebrating the diversity and multi-faceted complexity of work-life balance choices.   

Dalya had featured Nadine on her blog, Nadine is a SAHM mum, and just like me, she is confident that her choice to be at home with her children full time is the right one.  But for the blog post she chose to remain anonymous.  

Dalya says:

It is still very rare for me to come across any mothers that have voluntarily given up their careers to stay at home with their children. According to Nadine, there’s a reason for that: women who have made that choice often feel peer pressured, for many reasons, to keep it to themselves.

My blog is all about celebrating, and learning from, the diversity and complexity of work-life balance choices. So I am delighted that Nadine chose to break her silence (albeit anonymously) by allowing me to interview her.


You can read Nadine's story here: Stay at home Mum”: Nadine’s Story – on opting out of a career path and valuing a mother’s presence. Because Nadine preferred to remain  anonymous, she was not comfortable with being interviewed on A Fine Balance: The Podcast so Dalya asked if I would share my thoughts instead.  

Dalya and I chat about my story and discuss my views on some of the issues that came up in the blog post that Dalya wrote following her interview with Nadine, which may resonate with stay-at-home and working parents alike.

I believe our children need us even more the older they get, especially in the teenage years!  I am convinced that being available to chat or just being a reassuring presence was invaluable in helping Alex and Emily to feel supported and together we navigated the challenging times, coming out the other side the best of friends.   Children don't make an appointment to talk, they talk when they feel they need to, often at the most inconvenient times.  The concept of 'quality time' just doesn't work, spontaneity is far better. 

And I am certainly not unfulfilled neither do I feel inadequate.  I was doing, and still am doing, the best, most natural thing for me and my family.  At 24 and 21 both my children are grateful I made that decision, they feel they benefitted hugely from having a SAHM, they knew they never needed to worry about disturbing me at work and they are proud of my achievements both as their mother and with my numerous other projects.

Dalya says ...

Nadine’s intention is by no means to offend or stoke divisions, but rather to share her perspective and express her view that women should be free to choose – without admonition – to opt-out of pursuing a career.
​
What’s more, she seeks to encourage the child’s perspective to be considered more in the debate around work-life balance. She advocates for children not to be the “after-thought” that she observes they often are; and for women – and society at large – to realise and acknowledge the value of a mother’s presence.
Summer holidays | A Fine Balance Podcast | SAHM | Housewife
Summer holiday adventures as a SAHM!
If you have some time, I'd love you to listen to my interview on A Fine Balance: The Podcast Episode 4.

I should also add that being a SAHM was a balance between good days and difficult days.  I loved it but of course there were challenges!  We tend to only remember the good times!  But overall, it was amazing, even if I did breathe a sigh of relief when the long summer school holidays ended!!  And I didn't ever want to ask for help, I was determined to manage without babysitters and minimum family help, not sure that was always the best decision though!  To find out more about 'what to pay a teenager babysitter' read this blog post.

I'd love to hear from you, do comment below or send me an email.  But everyone is unique and it is the right to choose that is so important and to understand everyone's perspective.  I do not say my way is better, I just feel that my way was the right way for me and my family.  But if you are contemplating your own choices around work/life balance and returning to work or not after having children, maybe my experience will help and I hope you find the wonderfully well written content Dalya shares on A Fine Balance useful.

Love from
Michelle xx
​​

Other blogs I link up with:

Is This Mutton
#WowOnWednesday
 

​Mummabstylish
#Chic&Stylish

A Fine Balance Podcast | SAHM | Housewife
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7 Comments
mireille link
5/1/2022 02:27:34 pm

I have been a full time SAHM for the past 10 years (I worked part time a few years after my first son) and I have been truly grateful for it. I have done a few side things like tutoring and babysitting over the years to have a little more expandable income but apart from occasionally missing the adult interactions, I have no regrets. My youngest now is 4 and will got to school next year. It will be strange to be home alone during the day!
www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com

Reply
Michelle Green
6/1/2022 10:34:46 am

Hi Mirieille, thank you for your lovely message. I really love hearing about others experiences. It seems such a long time ago mine were starting school but they need me just as much now - but in different ways! Enjoy the quieter time when it comes and like me, having a blog helps with keeping our brains active and learning! Love Michelle xx

Reply
Dalya Wittenberg link
9/12/2022 09:50:48 am

Lovely to hear from other women who have made the active choice to stay at home with their children, with no regrets.

Reply
Hons
5/1/2022 06:43:54 pm

OMG Michelle! This absolutely struck a chord with me. I made the decision to give up my job as a solicitor and stay at home for several years and I faced the constant battle of being mocked and asked questions like ‘what do you do all day?’ and ‘I would be bored out of my brain if I did that’. Now, I get comments like ‘How did you manage to bring up two clever, really well-mannered and caring boys?’ It’s called spending quality time with them, nurturing them and listening. I am so glad I did that, as well as care for my dad who had dementia and my mum who has Trigeminal Neutalgia. There’s no shame in it all. I’m so glad to finally meet other ladies like me!

Reply
Michelle Green
6/1/2022 10:37:10 am

What a beautiful message Hons, thank you for sharing your story with me! I've never been bored at home, I am always so busy and like you my parents need help too and I am so glad I have that time to be with them (mum with dementia in a care home) and dad now living alone. My children are here so often too it is like they never really left home and I feel privileged they still love to be with us! Michelle xx

Reply
Emma link
6/1/2022 11:46:38 am

when I had my son (who's now 19), I had to work - but I set up my own childminding business when he was 6 so I could work and be at home. I found that to be a real juggle (especially as he had to compete with all these other strange children!) I would had loved to be a SAHM - so this was the compromise!

https://face2facedirect.com/

Reply
Michelle Green link
7/1/2022 11:08:43 am

Thank you for sharing your experience, I wonder what your son thinks now he is 19? We can only do our best though and your compromise seems to be a fair one! Love Michelle xx

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    Michelle ...

    ​Welcome to Fifty & Fab, a lifestyle blog to inspire you. I am a blogger with a passion for writing about health, menopause, fitness, beauty and style with a focus on the over 50's. 

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