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My personal struggle with emetophobia and how to overcome phobias and anxiety

5/2/2020

21 Comments

 
Tomorrow is Time to Talk Day, an initiative organised by Time to Change, a social movement who aims to change the way we all think and act about mental health problems.  Some of you may have seen a few of my recent social media posts and blogs where I have mentioned that I have been having a very low period of depression and anxiety.  I also explained in my new year blog post that I wanted to be more open and honest on my blog so Time to Talk Day seemed like the most appropriate time to share and talk and may be help someone else.

I have never shared openly details of my phobia before.  In fact I didn't even really know it had a name until I was nearly 30.  But I suffered most of my childhood, through my teens and well into adulthood, well until quite recently really.  I have emetophobia which is the fear of vomiting - it can include a fear of vomiting oneself in private or public, a fear of seeing vomit, a fear of watching or hearing the action of vomiting and a fear of feeling nauseous.  

In addition I do have episodes of anxiety, mild depression and insomnia.  I also had post-natal depression and I have had anxiety and low mood associated with hormone imbalances during peri-menopause.  The phobia is less of an issue in my day to day life now but depression and insomnia continue to plague me from time to time and I am still working on the best ways to deal with it when it does reappear.

But this is me, this is the bit that no one apart from my closest family and friends see, this is the me I usually keep private and if I do tell someone, I am usually met with surprised 'but you seem so confident!'  I have also accepted that I am an introvert, that I don't enjoy big events and I don't enjoy too much social media visibility - like changing room selfies!

I am currently in the midst of a particularly bad episode of low mood / depression and so opening up about my struggles helps me cope a bit more and find some perspective.  Last year was full on for me with, among other challenges, waving my daughter off to university then the long Christmas and New Year period with two bereavements and an even longer grey January.  Thank goodness that is over.   On my walks this week I have seen signs of spring.
emetophobia | phobias and anxiety
emetophobia | phobias and anxiety
In the past I've had counselling, hypnotherapy, NLP and antidepressant medication, I've tried numerous alternative therapies too.  I finally got help as I was approaching 30 and I wanted to have children but I was terrified of morning sickness and childhood vomiting bugs.  But I did it, I got help, I overcame my fear, I got pregnant and have, as you know, two beautiful children.  I did feel quite sick during both pregnancies but never actually vomited,  I got through their childhoods and coped admirably with the occasional bug - generally my husband and I had a deal - he did vomit I did bottoms.  But actually that wasn't always possible if he was away or at work.  So I learnt to deal with it.  I had flare-ups though, times when i was worse.  I remember when my son was about 7 I had a particular bad episode and when I look back at the photos now I can see how much weight I lost as I was avoiding eating.

I don't think I could ever totally pin point exactly what helped me overcome the phobia or why I had it in the first place.  My husband has been incredibly supportive and was instrumental in me taking the first step all those years ago and starting group counselling.  If I am honest though probably taking the anti-depressant medication made the biggest difference but I do think that the counselling, homeopathy, and hypnotherapy helped me understand make more sense of it.  

Through my teenage years I was pretty misunderstood, I never did the going out and getting drunk thing.  And I still don't.  I was suffering when mental health didn't get talked about so my parents didn't know and when I did try and tell them years later they did find it hard to understand.  I would never ever criticise them for that though.  We are very close and they are totally supportive but it was a different era, we know so much more now.

There are also lots of excellent support groups that can help you understand a phobia and make you feel like you are not alone.  The Phobia Support Forum has some amazing resources like their article How are Phobia's Created?  Having the internet to tap into has made such a difference in understanding and learning about mental health.

And back to the present day.  I was really hoping that balancing my hormones with HRT would mean I could come off the anti-depressant medication and I was feeling so well, so positive, that back in September I did come off it.  But this recent flare-up would suggest that I am one of the smaller number of women that need HRT and AD.  It's so frustrating!  Unfortunately GP's will often diagnose (wrongly) depression in women who are actually in perimenopause and need their hormones to be topped up - not given AD, unless like me you had depression pre-45 approx.  Hormones first then anti-depressants if you are still not feeling better.

I am currently working on 'designing a life I love' and after this latest episode I realise I have to do an awful lot more to support my mental health, not just pretend everything is okay, then crash!  It has been a really rough few weeks but this week I feel I have turned a corner and I am working on some positive actions to find a new purpose to my life.  My family are incredibly supportive, and both my sisters as well as close friends have been there for me and I have received some lovely messages via social media.

Walking and talking with friends and my sisters has been the best therapy.  As have days with my daughter and date nights with my husband.

I have lots of inspiring quotes on my fridge!

Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.

Feeling confident about myself is more important than how I look.

She designed a life she loved.

Expect nothing, appreciate everything.
emetophobia | phobias and anxiety
emetophobia | phobias and anxiety
And I have my lovely Vision Board (above) in my office which inspires me every day and my new bullet journal to record my goals.  I am also using a journal at night to record the positives from my day.  I have been doing a Menu and Mind course with a local natural chef and an NLP counsellor, this has helped me loads.

My message - don't suffer in silence, it is 'time to talk' and there is so much help available now.  Don't rule out HRT if your symptoms arrived around your mid-forties.  And don't let the GP just send you off with a prescription for anti-depressants (remember hormones first).  Share your worries with family and friends, you will be surprised to find you are not alone and you will be understood much more than you expected.
depression and anxiety in menopause
Baby steps, this photo will remind me that I can have messy hair and that getting out to walk more often is good for me.  I've started listening to more podcasts and audiobooks to switch off my overthinking brain!

Message me or comment below if you understand the struggles.

Love from
Michelle xx


Other blogs you may have missed and find useful:

Perimenopause and why I decided to take HRT
Menopause and hot flushes


I link up with:

Is This Mutton
#WowOnWednesday 


Mummabstylish
#Chic&Stylish


Not Dressed as Lamb
#ShareAllLinkUp
21 Comments
Irene
5/2/2020 05:31:41 pm

Hi Michelle I can so relate to your latest blog regarding mental health. I too have had my own struggle over the years particularly on my menopausal journey - now through that thank goodness. I have been to the doctors just today to reach out for help as I’ve been struggling the last few months. Hopefully along with mindfulness audio books and fresh air I will start to improve. Wishing you well for the future and sending healing hugs 🤗 xx

Reply
Michelle Green
6/2/2020 09:58:34 am

Thank you Irene, I am glad to hear you went to the doctors and are getting some support too. It isn't easy but I am pleased you can relate and my blog post helped xx

Reply
Lizzy link
5/2/2020 06:34:51 pm

Oh Michelle, well done for opening up and writing so honestly about your tougher times. I'm sure it will help so many other women who read your blog. It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive husband and I know how close you are to your children. Keep on going- you're doing brilliantly xxx

Reply
Michelle Green
6/2/2020 09:59:29 am

Lizzy, thanks so much for your kind words and support. I'll get there! Michelle xx

Reply
Nancy link
5/2/2020 07:49:30 pm

Wow that must weight very heavy on your life. What a brave woman you are to be talking so openly about it! I applaud that.

Reply
Michelle Green
6/2/2020 10:00:12 am

Thank you so much Nancy, I know how talking to others helped me so much so I want to be able to do the same xx

Reply
mireille
6/2/2020 02:49:44 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that it will help someone to know they are not alone.
www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com

Reply
Jacqui Berry link
6/2/2020 05:14:25 pm

Well done for your honesty Michelle, i hope that has helped you. I enjoy going for walks and feel that helps me with my thoughts, alas my doggie doesn't do walks now, so they are few and far between! I wish you luck with your issues and as you know we are all here for you. Have a good weekend Hun. Jacqui x

Reply
Lisa
6/2/2020 08:11:03 pm

Thanks for sharing. I liked your mood board. My current favourites are “today is a good day for a good day” and “life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain”. But in challenging times (and there’s been some recently) I always go back to the serenity prayer. It seems to me that you are showing the courage here to try to change the things you can and also learning to accept yourself just as you are. Hats off to you xx

Reply
Michelle Green
7/2/2020 01:57:32 pm

Thank you Lisa, yes they are two excellent quotes to remember as well :) the little prompts really help to remind me to be grateful every day. xx

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ratnamurti link
8/2/2020 03:40:25 am

Such and brave and from the heart post. Designing your best life sounds so fantastic - like a journey of self discovery xxxxxxx

Reply
Michelle Green
18/2/2020 05:46:07 pm

I hope so and thank you xx

Reply
Leslie Susan Clingan link
12/2/2020 07:34:41 pm

Thank you for sharing yourself with us on the Sentence a Day link up for February. Thank you for being so honest about some of the things that most people keep swept under the carpet. I, too, take meds for OCD/depression and have recently added a new one for anxiety. Some days LIFE gets the better of me. The OCD/depression medicine totally changed my life and I just wish I had gotten on it years before. I am a different - happier, more relaxed - person on it. Would like to invite you to write a sentence a day with us for our Sentence A Day posts that go live the first Tuesday of each month. They are very therapeutic to me!

Reply
Michelle Green
18/2/2020 05:47:56 pm

Hi Leslie, thank you for commenting and sharing your story, meds can make such a difference and we need to be more accepting that they are sometimes necessary. I will look up your Sentence a Day posts and may be join in in March (too late for February now)! Love Michelle x

Reply
Leslie Susan Clingan link
18/2/2020 05:49:49 pm

Oh, yay!! Hope you will join us for Sentence a Day in March. Come do a spring bucket list, too!!! We will share on 03.21.2020.

Janette Butterfield
18/2/2020 06:43:45 am

ALMOST Every word you wrote is me. 52 . It's hard to live it, and even harder to share it. So no one knows . It's quite a.comfort, I know odd.
, that many others feel this way too. I'm not that Odd, afterall

Reply
Michelle Green
18/2/2020 05:49:05 pm

Hi Janette, no you are not odd, it really isn't that rare at all, and the more that we talk about it the easier it is to find a way to overcome it. Michelle xx

Reply
Lynne
10/5/2021 07:25:10 pm

Hi Michelle,
Thank you for sharing. I suffer with health anxiety which came from losing my brother to cancer very quickly when he was very young. I struggled for a number of years and last year had some counselling. It did help speaking to someone outside of my family even though my family are brilliant and very supportive. The quote that always sticks with me is “this too will pass”. You never know how people are feeling do you most will just say “I’m fine” when asked. Xxx

Reply
Michelle Green link
11/5/2021 12:15:56 pm

Hi Lynne, I am sorry to hear about your brother, even though it was a long time ago, these things can have such a profound effect on us. I am glad you have had some counselling and it helped. It takes courage to ask for help. I love that quote! It is so true, in the moment, we feel like we will never get better, but of course we do! Take care, love Michelle xx

Reply
Maria Andrews
12/5/2023 07:17:25 pm

For almost 19 years, I struggled with emetophobia and have very few memories of my life without it.
However, I realized that I did not want my fear to hold me back from experiencing important things such as having children or traveling the world.
I felt like I was not reaching my full potential and that my limitations were only increasing with age. Therefore, I decided to seek help.

After starting the program, I became more aware of my bodily sensations and reactions during moments of anxiety.
I found the the Emetophobia Recovery System program (http://fearofvomit.info) to be incredibly useful from the very beginning, and a few days later, I was able to attend a lecture without feeling anxious, which was a significant improvement.

If you are also struggling with emetophobia, I wanted to share my experience with you and encourage you to seek help as well.

Reply
Michelle Green link
15/5/2023 09:19:45 am

Thank you for sharing this info Maria x

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    Michelle ...

    ​Welcome to Fifty & Fab, a lifestyle blog to inspire you. I am a blogger with a passion for writing about health, menopause, fitness, beauty and style with a focus on the over 50's. 

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    Hi, I’m Michelle and my blog Fifty & Fab is all about my journey into and through my 50s.  I started this blog in 2016 with the purpose of helping other women at this stage of life.  I’m delighted that my blog has grown to over 13k visitors per month.  Visit my Work with Me page and request my Media Kit for details of product reviews, blogging services and social media content creation.

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