How to start dating after divorce

Collaborative Post | A marriage can be a major event in a person’s life, and so too can a divorce. After having spent such a long time with just one person, and going through the heartache and stress of splitting with them, you’ll need a little bit of time to recover and get your bearings.

Once you’re ready again, however, getting back into dating can be a healthy thing. But it might not be clear what ‘ready’ looks like. Let’s consider the question.

Photo by Allen Taylor on Unsplash

Know when you're emotionally ready to date again

Everyone reacts to divorce in different ways. Some might be able to come to terms with it quickly; others might need a while longer. Generally speaking, counsellors will recommend that you take more time than you think you need, so that you can really process what’s happened, and avoid carrying baggage into the next relationship. The last thing you want to do, of course, is to spend every date talking about your former partner.

Rebuild your confidence and clarify what you want

Many divorcees find that they’ve lost a little bit of the confidence that once animated them. You might be a little more jaded – and, frankly, a little older. This can take some getting used to. Confidence can be rebuilt, but you’ll need to do it gradually. Investing in a new set of jeans, or a pair of gold earrings, can make you feel better about yourself for a while. But more effective is the habit of talking to strangers.
​
Figure out what it is that you want from dating. Are you looking for emotional intimacy, or something physical? Where do your boundaries lie, and what are your goals? You’ll probably stumble upon the answers to these questions over the coming weeks and months, but in some cases you’ll already have a clear idea of what you want. Let that idea guide you.

Choose safe and comfortable ways to meet new people

There’s no getting away from the fact that many new relationships now start through dating applications. If you’ve been married for more than a decade, this practice might seem weird to you. But for all of the drawbacks, there are plenty of people who’ve started great relationships through the app on their phone.
​
At the same time, you might find it easier to meet people through friends and acquaintances. After a divorce, you might find yourself talking to other divorced people when you go to parties.
​
What really matters is that you take safety seriously, and that you don’t put yourself at risk of getting hurt, or hurting other people. Communicate honestly with new partners about what you want. You might find that you have an easier time communicating this, since there’s no sense in wasting time!


Disclaimer: this is a collaborative post.